As human beings, we are always creating different bonds and relationships in several areas of our life. As social beings, we encounter a variety of people who could benefit or affect our personas one way or another. With the passing of time and the way we mature, we find ourselves in certain relationships we can label as “lackluster”. Those are the ones we want to leave behind; the ones that do not benefit us. Instead, we want to manifest powerful connections that will better us and our lives.
Reflect on how you feel.
One way to go from lackluster relationships to manifesting powerful connections is by starting to reflect on how you feel in the presence of other people. If you have close relationships or are in the process of developing them, it is important to assess what those relationships feel like. How do you feel around people when you are connecting on an emotional level? Is there someone who can be available to holding space for you to emotionally reflect?
It is necessary to notice how these people make you feel in terms of forming deeper connections. But if you do not have a person like that, how does it make you feel? Does it make you feel more vulnerable or exposed? If this is uncomfortable to you, it is important to reassess whether this is a relationship you need to give more to or one you need to edify.
Determine the people who are in your life.
An important step to take towards forming powerful connections is to determine the people who are available to you emotionally and mentally. What does this look like? They challenge you to grow, to consider new perspectives, or to explore new ways of thinking—those that allow you to talk about a variety of topics without feeling limited. Connections in which you are not the only party coming forward with new ideas and new subject matters to talk about. Do you notice if you have these relationships consistently or sporadically?
Consider your requirements and standards.
A piece of advice I give my clients is to consider what requirements and standards they have for the people they allow to take up space in their lives. Are you a person who has boundaries, or lacks them? Boundaries are equally important to emotional growth and mental stability. One of the things I do with my compassion coaching is help assess the relationships they have established with people to notice what it is based on and what they are willing to do about that.
It is necessary to take active steps to speak up in your relationships, to share with people the things you want to do differently–develop more reciprocity or closeness with those people in your life. If you are not able to do this, you need to notice it and be able to find it elsewhere.
Work on Your Self-Compassion
One of the things I have found extremely helpful in terms of building self-compassion–which is a great foundation to begin establishing powerful connections–is to do more work on the ego. This includes developing a compassion practice where you turn compassion towards yourself and give this as often as possible. Some great places where that can begin are through self-guides you can find online. Also, through some amazing Buddhist teachers and practitioners, such as Sharon Salzberg and bell hooks.
In order to go from lackluster relationships to manifesting powerful connections, we need to self-evaluate the relationships, we have on a consistent basis to be aware of when people and things change. It is particularly important to notice how we feel in the presence of others. As well as taking active steps to develop and sustain relationships we want based on what our standards are for friendships, romantic relationships, and the relationships we have with our families. Occasionally, you may have to shift the direction in which you communicate with people, how frequently you communicate, and what you expect people can give you or not. These steps will help you form powerful connections that will benefit you and your life.
Written by: Asha Tarry
Asha Tarry is an author, an award-winning community mental health advocate, psychotherapist, and certified life coach. As a treating provider, Asha has 20 years of experience providing evaluations, diagnoses, treatment, and life-enhancing skills to children, adults, families, and couples. A significant portion of Ms. Tarry’s work has been conducted in marginalized communities with survivors of intergenerational trauma as well as with professionals in search of a fulfilling life. As a writer and speaker for several publications, which once included one of the nation’s largest online medical news outlets in the black community, BlackDoctor.org, Asha has effectively demonstrated anecdotal evidence that therapy works and that mindfulness is a holistic way of healing oneself on a continuous basis. Asha’s work as a mindfulness practitioner has been utilized by professionals in the United States, Asia, and Europe with partnerships through Thrive Global, an Arianna Huffington company, to prevent employees from experiencing workplace burnout. The goal of Asha’s work is to enlighten, educate, and create safe spaces for everyone, from children to the elderly to live more emotionally empowered and mentally resilient. Her upcoming book is called Adulting as a Millennial: A Guide to Everything Your Parents Didn’t Teach You.
Follow Asha Tarry on Instagram at @ashatarrymental
