Valentine’s Day is around the corner, if you’re single don’t fret! Being single can be empowering and holding out for the RIGHT one is better than just being with someone. The key to this empowerment, love yourself. Andrea Bain, author of “Single Girl Problems” offers some great advice for those of you who find yourself currently single.
In my search for true love I’ve read just about every relationship book and blog known to man.
There’s nothing I haven’t tried in my quest to find the guy of my dreams. What I learned in my desperate attempt to find the answers about how to find true love is that there’s no magical formula or easy 5 step program, In fact, I — or rather we — all have IT.
By IT I mean the answers to finding that wonderful partner we have written about in our journal or have pinned to our vision board. IT begins with the way you see yourself, talk to yourself and love yourself. My therapist told me think about the way I talk to myself and I’ll find all the answers to how much I love or hate myself. When I looked back at my journal entries I’m mortified to read the way I wrote about myself.
The harsh reality was I was constantly picking on myself for either not being skinny enough, smart enough, pretty enough or sexy enough. I wasted a lot of years thinking I wasn’t good enough for the guys I really wanted to date. Deep down I knew I deserved a wonderful partner, but how could I be with an extraordinary guy if I didn’t think I was extraordinary?
Of all the chapters in my book, “Single Girl Problems” I think this is the most important.
Insecurity is a mental assassin that can dismantle the most perfect relationship before it even gets started. Even if there was some formula for finding and keeping the man of your dreams, if you don’t think you deserve love it won’t work no matter what you do.
If you want love and a healthy relationship you have to first make that intention to yourself, believe you deserve it and get rid of any negative thoughts that are holding you back from thinking it can’t happiness. Be honest with yourself, are you holding yourself back by thinking or saying things like:
“There are no good men left.”
“Men my age only want twenty-year-old girls.”
“Guys never notice me when I go out with my girlfriends.”
“All the good guys are either married or gay.”
Listen, as a woman I understand the struggle of dealing with your insecurities.
For the most part I don’t really think about any of my imperfections until I start dating someone new, then all of the questions fill my head, what if he sees my scar? Suppose he’s into feet? My size ten hooves and hammer toe are sure to send him running for the hills.
Insecurities can arise from a number of circumstances, comments from well-meaning relatives or friends, perhaps you were teased as a kid or your verbally abusive ex boyfriend filled your head with negative feelings about yourself.
Self-confidence is the sexiest part of any woman.
Knowing what you want and having a strong feeling of self-worth is more valuable than any red bottom shoe or designer bag. It will also help you cut through all the dating bullsh*t because a confident woman with her own life, interests, and standards doesn’t (shouldn’t) have time for a man who wants to play games. She knows that if this guy isn’t interested in her, another guy will be, so no use hanging around waiting for him to figure it out.
ANDREA BAIN
One of the co-hosts of the national CBC daytime talk show The Goods. She has hosted a number of national lifestyle shows and is a relationship specialist on several Canadian daytime programs. Over the course of her career Andrea has interviewed dozens of Hollywood heavyweights, including Brad Pitt, Martin Scorsese and Oprah. Andrea has a degree in sociology and a diploma in broadcast journalism. She lives in Toronto where she is happily…single.
